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Former U.S. surgeon general Vivek Murthy knows firsthand how heavy loneliness can feel. As a child, he often woke up with a sense of dread. On the way to school, a tightness would grow in his chest as he worried about being alone on the playground, left out during classroom activities, or sitting by himself in the cafeteria. That deep loneliness stayed with him for many years.

Despite those struggles, Murthy went on to achieve great success—studying at Yale and Harvard, becoming a physician, and eventually serving as the first surgeon general of Indian descent under Presidents Obama, Trump, and Biden. From the outside, his life seemed ideal. Inside, however, he still carried the weight of loneliness.

“Social connection isn’t about what’s on your résumé,” Murthy says. “It’s about how you see yourself, and whether you choose to notice the light or the darkness around you.”

Building strong relationships, he emphasizes, is essential for well-being. In fact, research shows that relationships form the foundation for many other aspects of happiness—such as gratitude, compassion, and purpose.

The Health Costs of Loneliness
Through his work, Murthy began studying loneliness more deeply, realizing that it was far more widespread than he had imagined. Leaders in countries across the world reported the same rising trend. Importantly, he discovered that loneliness isn’t just about being alone—it’s about feeling unsatisfied with the connections we do have.

Over time, chronic loneliness can erode self-esteem, make us believe we’re unworthy of relationships, and push us into isolation. It also harms physical health. Studies show that loneliness activates the same brain pathways as physical pain. It weakens immunity, increases inflammation, and raises the risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes, dementia, depression, and anxiety.

Perhaps most striking is its effect on life span: loneliness can shorten life to a degree comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes a day. Just like hunger or thirst, loneliness is a biological signal—a sign that we need human connection to survive.

For decades, the surgeon general’s office has focused on issues like smoking, obesity, and sedentary lifestyles. But loneliness had rarely been treated as a public health crisis. Murthy decided it was time to change that, both in his own life and for society at large.

A Small Step Toward Connection
One practice that helped Murthy reconnect was surprisingly simple. He reached out to an old friend living overseas and asked him to share something good that had happened in his day. Murthy listened—and they decided to make it a weekly ritual, talking on video calls to strengthen their bond.

It was a small step, but one that made a big difference—a reminder that connection often begins with simple acts of reaching out and listening.